Jealousy and Unconsiously Cursing

I have a long time best friend I love like a sister. We met in High School and I quickly learned that her life had been extremely difficult. Her family was cruel, unsupportive & financially unstable. She took medication that caused a lot of weight gain which crushed her self-esteem. While she is otherwise fiercely loyal, supportive, and caring, she is very bitter about how different our lives were. My family life as a high school student was the complete opposite of hers. She didn’t know I had an eating disorder and resented me most for being thin.

She would act very petty, bitter, and jealous towards me on a daily basis.

I stopped tolerating it when she began copying my appearance, speech, and eventually my artwork. When I confronted her she refused to back down. We didn’t speak for a REALLY long time. When we did finally become friends again she had long since quit her medications and lost the weight. She seemed really happy, like she grew into herself. I assumed she wouldn’t feel the need to act the way she used to and wrote it off as being part of the past.

after that I moved to a different country and when I came home to the US she visited me. I had gained weight as a result of fracturing my tailbone which was healing very slowly and the muscle pain that came with it. I decided to tell her about the eating disorder and asked her not to talk about things that related to that subject. Instead she made sure to bring it up in not so subtle ways as much as possible. I know she did it because she is insecure and bitter, but it troubles me that she was so happy to see me unhappy with myself.

since then I still struggle with my weight constantly despite playing roller derby, becoming a clean eating vegan to help my body and mind, regularly going to the gym, and doing everything I can to stop my negative thoughts and correct them. I keep a record of my food/exercise habits and my doctor looked over it and said everything looked on point.

I am not suggesting she has made it impossible for me to lose weight! I just wonder if it is possible for someone to unintentionally ‘curse’ you by resenting you out of envy and bitterness, especially if that person has resented you for such a long time? and as a result hinder your own progress. because she is VERY bitter. . . and she seems to need me to be less successful in my endeavors to be happy with her own self, at this point in her life.

I decided not to be passive anymore and to give my two cents on any snide comments, but also that I will be understanding and patient because she is still struggling with her own insecurities.

What can I do to protect myself from jealousy?

It may seem harsh, but if this person’s behaviors are bothering you, to the point that you feel their jealousy and bitterness are potentially unconsciously cursing you – then you need to permanently sever your ties to them. That is the best way to protect yourself from this sort of deep-seated hatred. And make no mistake, it is hate. No one who is a true friend, would harbor these sorts of feelings, or act in this manner – particularly over such a long period of time. To put it bluntly, a “friend” who gets their kicks from seeing their friends fail, isn’t a friend.

Within healthy relationships, we may all have occasional moments when we are jealous, or feel a bit of bitterness here and there, particularly when we may be struggling and they seem to get all the good stuff, but it is typically fleeting. A momentary dark cloud that moves across the sky and is then gone, to be replaced by happiness and genuine supportive feelings that our friend is awesome and deserves all the good things. Because hey… if we’re not making it, then someone better be!!! Lingering negative feelings speak to a relationship that is not a healthy one, and unless the underlying issues can be resolved, it’s often better to part ways, rather than allowing such negativity to continue festering.

As to unconsciously cursing or even casting spells in general – I think that any time we put a lot of energy into something, especially energy that is emotionally charged, we have the potential to affect things. At it’s most basic, magic is simply manifesting a desired change through force of will, and as such, when one is intensely focusing specific negative thoughts (particularly over a long period of time), the odds are pretty good that there will be some sort of manifestation related to those thoughts.

Having said that however, I don’t necessarily think that your friend has caused you to have difficulties losing weight. While it’s sometimes easier to look for magical reasons behind something, the answer is generally much simpler. In this case, it’s likely just a matter of genetics or basic human biology. Once we reach a certain age our metabolism slows down, and it becomes much harder to lose any extra weight that we might put on. Couple that with an injury that makes exercising hit or miss and it’s the perfect recipe for weight that doesn’t want to budge.

Though it may be difficult, especially with someone that you consider almost like family, in the end, there often comes a time when we have to chose our own well-being over our “friends.” If we are to lead happy and healthy lives, we have to be mindful of our own mental, emotional and physical needs, and sometimes that means cutting the negative people from our lives. Even even more so, those whose sole purpose in life seems to be sabotaging the happiness of those around them.


Magic: Energy and Cursing/Hexing

Hello there!
I was curious about something I have heard of in pop culture as well as many ancient stories from around the globe, the usage of curses or “dark magic.” I have heard from many pagans that dark magic doesn’t exist and from others that it does exist but it is a double edged sword. the ones who say it exists say that if you tried to curse or hex someone you would also curse/hex yourself because the energy gathered to preform the curse/hex would first flow through yourself. The others say that it is impossible to use magic in that way. What are your thoughts?

It never fails… spend enough time browsing around any sort of Witchcraft related book, site, forum, etc…  and eventually you will come across comments that describe magic in terms of color. While there are a variety of shades that might come to mind, the most commonly seen tend to relate to “black” and “white” magic – which of course (more often than not), leads one into the “dark” vs. “light” conversations as well.

While labels are sometimes useful – in that they can help us to understand an idea or concept at a glance; the converse is, that one word rarely conveys everything, which then leads to misinformation or misunderstanding.  In this case, the truth is that assigning color to magic, shows a fundamental lack of understanding of exactly how magic works.

It probably shouldn’t be surprising that this happens, so many books out there are trying desperately to cater to the “rainbows and ponies” world vision when it comes to the Craft. So long as it’s presented with glitter and sparkles, then how could it possibly be wrong, or hurtful? After all, white/light is good, and black/dark is bad – right?  Ehh… not so much, as both are genuinely necessary “forces” in the universe.

At its most basic, magic is simply manifesting a desired goal, or affecting a desired change through force of will. The fundamental lack of understanding that I mentioned above comes in, right about here – magic has almost entirely to do with the intent of the person casting it. This means that a spell which might typically be considered “white”, can absolutely be used to cause harm, while one that could be considered “black” can be used to heal.  A good example of this is magic that can be used when working with someone who has cancer, in which banishment spells (considered “black magic” by many) are often used.

The point in all of this, is that magic is colorless, and if one is going to do magic (be it witchcraft, or any other form that one might choose), then it’s something that we all need to accept. Magic is what it is, and the only thing that really matters at the end of the day, is how we use it. And while there may be many people who will never cast a hex or curse in their life (or even consider the thought), the fact is that there may be times when one is justified, and in most cases there is nothing that prevents anyone from doing so, if they should choose to.

As to energetic issues resulting from cursing/hexing, there is always the potential for backlash (of a sort) if one doesn’t ground properly, but that is true of any magical working. In the same way that magic is colorless, when you are raising energy, it’s just “energy” – it hasn’t been shaped or focused to any particular purpose. When you do purpose it, it’s being directed into (or at) something/someone else, so even though the energy comes from you, or as a result of your actions, you are only the channel for that particular component, not the actual mixing bowl (so to speak). Sort of like baking – you gather up your ingredients, and mix them all in a separate container. So even if the milk comes from a jug, the jug doesn’t get dirty because you’ve poured just the milk you need into the bowl, and then sealed the jug back up to use next time.

Only real instance where such a thing could be plausible, would be if you ask deity/spirit/entities, etc… to work through you, or to use your body as a conduit of a sort – which potentially could leave “residue”. But it’s still more of a grounding/shielding issue, which typically isn’t lasting (unless you somehow manage to screw something up big time). Guess too though, it would depend to what degree (if any) someone holds to the Three-Fold Law, or similar concept. I could see where someone could find themselves regretting a curse/hex, and it probably causing them to feel like they were cursed instead (by the guilt).

Along with that though, if one does hold strongly to a concept like the TFL, (or something like the Eclectic interpretation of “an it harm none“) there could potentially be actual backlash if one verbally incorporates it as an oath in a working. If you always invoke some such as a part of your ritual language, for example, it will become a part of your magical practice that actually has impact. You would then have given this idea power to affect you through your own words and actions.

So… long story short, it really depends on the person, the Tradition/Path involved, and any number of other factors. It’s just not one of those things that is going to be the same for everyone, which is really somewhat typical of many things related to Witchcraft, and even Paganism in general.