I have a long time best friend I love like a sister. We met in High School and I quickly learned that her life had been extremely difficult. Her family was cruel, unsupportive & financially unstable. She took medication that caused a lot of weight gain which crushed her self-esteem. While she is otherwise fiercely loyal, supportive, and caring, she is very bitter about how different our lives were. My family life as a high school student was the complete opposite of hers. She didn’t know I had an eating disorder and resented me most for being thin.
She would act very petty, bitter, and jealous towards me on a daily basis.
I stopped tolerating it when she began copying my appearance, speech, and eventually my artwork. When I confronted her she refused to back down. We didn’t speak for a REALLY long time. When we did finally become friends again she had long since quit her medications and lost the weight. She seemed really happy, like she grew into herself. I assumed she wouldn’t feel the need to act the way she used to and wrote it off as being part of the past.
after that I moved to a different country and when I came home to the US she visited me. I had gained weight as a result of fracturing my tailbone which was healing very slowly and the muscle pain that came with it. I decided to tell her about the eating disorder and asked her not to talk about things that related to that subject. Instead she made sure to bring it up in not so subtle ways as much as possible. I know she did it because she is insecure and bitter, but it troubles me that she was so happy to see me unhappy with myself.
since then I still struggle with my weight constantly despite playing roller derby, becoming a clean eating vegan to help my body and mind, regularly going to the gym, and doing everything I can to stop my negative thoughts and correct them. I keep a record of my food/exercise habits and my doctor looked over it and said everything looked on point.
I am not suggesting she has made it impossible for me to lose weight! I just wonder if it is possible for someone to unintentionally ‘curse’ you by resenting you out of envy and bitterness, especially if that person has resented you for such a long time? and as a result hinder your own progress. because she is VERY bitter. . . and she seems to need me to be less successful in my endeavors to be happy with her own self, at this point in her life.
I decided not to be passive anymore and to give my two cents on any snide comments, but also that I will be understanding and patient because she is still struggling with her own insecurities.
What can I do to protect myself from jealousy?
It may seem harsh, but if this person’s behaviors are bothering you, to the point that you feel their jealousy and bitterness are potentially unconsciously cursing you – then you need to permanently sever your ties to them. That is the best way to protect yourself from this sort of deep-seated hatred. And make no mistake, it is hate. No one who is a true friend, would harbor these sorts of feelings, or act in this manner – particularly over such a long period of time. To put it bluntly, a “friend” who gets their kicks from seeing their friends fail, isn’t a friend.
Within healthy relationships, we may all have occasional moments when we are jealous, or feel a bit of bitterness here and there, particularly when we may be struggling and they seem to get all the good stuff, but it is typically fleeting. A momentary dark cloud that moves across the sky and is then gone, to be replaced by happiness and genuine supportive feelings that our friend is awesome and deserves all the good things. Because hey… if we’re not making it, then someone better be!!! Lingering negative feelings speak to a relationship that is not a healthy one, and unless the underlying issues can be resolved, it’s often better to part ways, rather than allowing such negativity to continue festering.
As to unconsciously cursing or even casting spells in general – I think that any time we put a lot of energy into something, especially energy that is emotionally charged, we have the potential to affect things. At it’s most basic, magic is simply manifesting a desired change through force of will, and as such, when one is intensely focusing specific negative thoughts (particularly over a long period of time), the odds are pretty good that there will be some sort of manifestation related to those thoughts.
Having said that however, I don’t necessarily think that your friend has caused you to have difficulties losing weight. While it’s sometimes easier to look for magical reasons behind something, the answer is generally much simpler. In this case, it’s likely just a matter of genetics or basic human biology. Once we reach a certain age our metabolism slows down, and it becomes much harder to lose any extra weight that we might put on. Couple that with an injury that makes exercising hit or miss and it’s the perfect recipe for weight that doesn’t want to budge.
Though it may be difficult, especially with someone that you consider almost like family, in the end, there often comes a time when we have to chose our own well-being over our “friends.” If we are to lead happy and healthy lives, we have to be mindful of our own mental, emotional and physical needs, and sometimes that means cutting the negative people from our lives. Even even more so, those whose sole purpose in life seems to be sabotaging the happiness of those around them.